Soul monologues

Hey…..I am realizing that in this mad race I have forgotten to be alive…..if I die this moment I wont be shocked I will embrace it.. coz I know one day it will happen ..but I do think I hve forgotten to be alive.. Infact I shud say i will quite welcome my death as it will make me feel more alive…….I breathe continuously. My thoughts go on..and on.. aand my heart shows me colourful pictures of wat i luv but somehow..i sideline them all thinking they are of no usein this real world…and I now realized I ve sidelined myself….i hve succumbed to the pressure of this world…I think when this world was started it was very simple….but with our developed sense we have complicated things and we are on the verge of forgetting our real self.. we live for otheres …for money…for people nd situations we fear . now we havee fake egos but no self.…I do think evry batchmate of mine is settled somewhere and they r more or less happy …but I am not . I was the most creative person in my batch(with one opponent to share my place) evry 1 is happy.. but I am not ….i know I cant be.. I want to work alone… I dontt need any help from anyone..i want to follow my thoughts…I cant be tru to any1if I cant b tru to my own thoughts….if I wont respect them they will leave my side.. and that’s the only virtue that god has given me.. its only thoughts..which makes a man….ill be an painter and I will top all the others…but this self doubt that I have developed through the yers.. holds me back …..but look im still breathing….evry new moment and evry new breath…maybe I should stop lookin at results.. and look at the process. Maybe I wont top all the others but I will feel ecstacy when I will make one good painting after months of consuming mind and thought……maybe I shud not make painting to finish it in hurry…but to love it like I luv myself……I really don’t think I love myself so much……..i love my family I can do anything for it.. but I don’t think I love myself so much…. I don’t care bout myself….i really don’t.. I can easily die for my family… but I don’t think I can die for myself…..i cant die for my own morals & ideas…bcoz I don’t feel so strongly about them… I treat myself as a second person …I don’t respect myself as I shud.. I take myself and my life for granted… I don’t stand up for myself….i think bout other person more than myself……I don’t acknowledge myself as alive….i am nervous in others company thinkiking I am not speking the right words or the sentences.. or that they r thinking that I am dumb….and wat not…………………………………………………………………………………………………….y I care bout any1 when I cant take care of myself…..i shud respect myself more than I do now and that is the only way I will be where I want to be…….i thinnnnk my goal is to be happy..i want to be happy….thats the only thing I want in life..i don’t want every single moment happy….and also I don’t think I can ever be satisfied but all I want is to be passionate about evry thing I do.. I don’t want to force myself.. but I want to live ….to be passionately alive.

Come on hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living.
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given.I
sit and talk to god
And he just laughs at my plans,
My head speaks a language,
I don’t understand.(chorus)I
just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.’
cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins,
going to waste.I
don’t wanna die,
But I ain’t keen on living either.
Before I fall in love,
I’m preparing to leave her.
I scare myself to death,
That’s why I keep on running.
Before I’ve arrived,
I can see myself coming.(chorus)
I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.’
cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins,
going to waste.
And I need to feel,
real loveAnd a life ever after.
I cannot get enough.(instrumental

lets get it started......in here

i have so many blog a/cs but whenever i try to write .....i get confused and end up wid out any thing...
i gues i think too much and my wrtiing speed is not so much.
but now i think ill finally write all that is goin my head as my needs a break(hey not that one)...stupid pj..



i will introduce myself as a confused soul.. who is desperately trying to see things straight..but somehow i endup with so many ques...& "the other side is greener" syndrome that i end up no were..and the worst part is whenever i try to do something with utmost sincerity & care.. i always end up with an error.....so ull c lots of grammatical &spelling errors in my blog.. so use uor commnsense and try to understand wat i am sayin

err..or ..maybe this error will show me what is tru identity.
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